Sleepovers as a child!!!

Growing up I DREADED sleepovers. Full disclosure, I would only go to sleepovers at either my Grandma Grace's house or at my friend Marla's house for years. What is is about sleepovers that make children anxious? I remember being invited to sleep over at a friend's house literally across the street from my house. I had been there so many times to play. I grew up on a "dead end street"; I think today it would be considered a "cul-de-sac" but that is probably a debatable topic and, in this day, would probably ignite a divisive debate. I digress...as I usually do. Anyway, where I grew up was a safe haven. Neighbors watched out for each other's kid and families, everyone pretty much knew everyone. We all played kickball in the street using the same teeny pothole for second base. Stayed outside in summer until the streetlights came on. So why then, was I unable to sleepover across the street?

Confession here, my excuse to come home was that I hurt my finger. Hurt my finger? Really? Come on! I actually did that - and came home!! What was I thinking? The actual fear of sleeping over had me so freaked out. I must have tried again at some point, because I remember having a "stomach ache" and had to be picked up in the middle of the night from another friend's house. I don't remember whose house I was at - I just remember begging to have my parents called.

So, as I said earlier, it was Grandma Grace's house or Marla's house. The only two places where I knew that I would be able to sleep over without anxiety. Any time being at Marla's house was like being with family, so I guess that explains 47 years of friendship! Her parents always made me feel as if I were a part of the family - no judgement - ever.

I did become very successful at sleepovers - the anxiety did not last forever! Not going to like...it always lingered just a bit. I must have developed more confidence. I remember finding comfort in sleeping over at my friend Denise's house. She had the coolest bedroom in the world, her own bathroom and MTV! In her room!

But what about the anxiety that goes along with the sleepovers and why does it affect children in different ways. Do we pick up our kids in the middle of the night or do we chance it and let them ride it through in order to build resilience? Nowadays there is advice all over the internet about how to help children start to become comfortable with sleepovers. Perhaps my resilience developed later than others because by 5th or 6th grade, not an issue with sleepovers. Again, I think it came down to confidence. Confidence that I would be ok and that I would really be missing out on fun if I decided to allow my fear to take over. There's that running theme again, the lack of confidence and comparing myself to others. Oh, and then after "giving up" and leaving the sleepover, the judgement! Well, I have no idea if anyone actually judged me, but in my head I was sure of it!

Do I regret that my parents picked me up? No, not at all - it was right for me at the time. However, I sometimes wish that I made a different choice. That I was able to decide on my own, at the time, that I would be ok, and not ask to be picked up. That I would be able to sleepover and actually survive.

So where does this fit in with positivity and kindness? Well, here's my take, for what it's worth. Listen to your children and notice the signs without judgement. From what I have read on the internet, yes, slowly introducing sleepovers and creating a comfort level that is right for your child may be the best thing to do. Some children will just naturally jump right in, others will need time and support. However, no one should be shamed for their fear. The more we listen and show support, the more we teach our children to do the same. Empathy is, for me, THE most important quality in a person. I am not naive - I know that there will always be some adolescents (and adults) who are simply not kind or empathetic. But, if more of us try to teach empathy and more importantly, teach that empathy is not weakness, can't we make a change in our world?

I truly hope you have enjoyed reading this and perhaps this helped even one person out there to reflect just a little bit. Please be patient with me as I write. I may be all over the place, but understand that I am going to evolve, and will always work to link positivity and kindness to every post.

Thank you for listening! xoxo