Confrontation

How many of you are good at confrontation? Personally, I hate it. For much of my life, I was actually a pretty shy and quiet person. For those readers who know me, yes, I know, it's hard to imagine. It’s true! I would, and sometimes still, avoid confrontation at all costs.

I see two sides to confrontation. There is confronting someone, which can be planned and meticulously thought out, and there is being confronted by someone, which typically results in feeling blindsided and thrown off balance.

It's hard to predict how the wind will blow. If you are the person who is planning a confrontation, what is your motive? What is your goal? Is your issue rooted in anger, or is it simply to clear something up. Do you think about how the other person will react, or do you simply want to state your case and see what happens?

Maybe your confrontation will result in a discussion where both parties come to an understanding. Perhaps it will be a therapeutic experience! But what about the situations where there is anger, frustration, surprise, resentment, and a negative reaction. Hard to say how things will go, even with a carefully planned approach.

Let's look at the other side. Being confronted can be scary for some. I guess it depends on the situation. Some people think on their feet so well. Others don't have their amazing comeback line until about an hour, or even a day after a confrontation. Fight or flight. Each one may be regrettable. How many times have you had a confrontation with someone and after reflecting, later on, you wish you did or did not say something. Which do you think is worse for you?

Letting it all out and really giving someone a piece of your mind, or keeping it all in and missing the chance to really share what you are thinking?

Then, at some point, there is a middle ground. The place where you find yourself making the choice to confront someone with the best of intentions. You make a plan where you are able to think about different reactions. You find a way to share what is necessary without, hopefully, triggering that fight or flight response. You find a way to have a simple discussion.

When you are on the other end of the confrontation, the receiving end, how you react can truly affect the outcome. When confronted, are you listening to the other person, or are you planning your rebuttal while they are talking? Fight or flight. The ball is in your court at that point. How will you play it? I think that can come naturally, and it can also be learned. It takes practice, breathing, pausing, and actively listening.

This relates back to my post from yesterday. The middle ground is so helpful when conflict or confrontation occurs. After yesterday's events, there is still so much anger and conflict. The reactions of our country's leaders have been all over the place. Allen and I watched the electoral college count and debates well into the night. We watched individuals who changed their minds last night, based on the reaction of angry citizens. Maybe they were making political decisions or maybe moral decisions. For me, it does not matter. They chose peace. Maybe they saw that in order for our country to move forward, they had to show leadership. They had to set the example that yes, losing gracefully can happen. There were still many who are unhappy with the results. They are also in leadership positions. They owe it to their supporters to send the message that it is time to find peace and move forward. We have platforms where ideas and reforms can be debated with discussion, not physical violence. We have platforms where real change can occur, even when both parties do not agree.

Confrontation. It's going to take a long time for our country to heal after yesterday's confrontations. I think we can do it. We just have to be willing to try. Willing to listen. Willing to be flexible and reflective.

We have to be positive and kind.