Healing Part 2

So here is the part where I talk about the emotional healing. It’s not all about healing from the surgeries for me. It’s about healing from life and the “scars” that exist. I still intend to talk about that tsunami of adolescence, but here is some background first.

I don’t know who all of my readers are out there as there are plenty of visitors to the site who remain anonymous, but I do know many readers who have commented on Facebook, and I say thank you to ALL of my readers. So, as you read today, I challenge you to reflect on some questions. “Have you made mistakes in your life? If given the chance to go back, are there any decisions you made or things you said that you might have done or said differently? Have you also repeated mistakes that you vowed never to make again?”

Go ahead, it’s ok to raise your hand - no one is watching or judging. I am not talking about regret here. I am talking about reflecting on choices made. As we heal from events that can be scarring, some tend to lose track of how to heal. You see, not all of us read the "secret handbook" about always doing things perfectly, or for what to do when you make a mistake. What’s that? There is no secret handbook? You mean you have to figure things out along the way like everyone else? (sarcasm intended)

There is so much out there today about healing and mindfulness. I have learned techniques for breathing, meditating, and regaining my balance both literally and figuratively. For me, however, many of my attempts to regain that balance have been intertwined with having teenagers in the house, much like many others in my generation.

This is when my positivity posts started to really take charge of my Facebook page. I learned very quickly that building resilience in children is no easy task. I think some are naturally resilient, while others have to work much harder at it. And then there are those who literally prey on the ones who appear to be the least resilient.

That is where things can get ugly really fast. Let’s use wolves and sheep as our characters here. Parents are shepherds of sorts, and we work hard to keep the wolves at bay. In some cases, sheep are actually wolves in sheep’s clothing. Paying attention to our children and their changes as they grow from pre-teens to teens is so very important. I am confident that I am not alone in saying that there are many readers out there who may have not noticed those wolves disguised as sheep, and they somehow managed to prey on your flock.

Now the sheep who were attacked by the wolves are the ones who need healing. There is no “secret handbook” for what to do when your sheep are threatened by wolves in disguise. Sometimes the shepherds just jump in to protect their flock. Decisions are made, things are overlooked, emotions take hold, and sometimes we forget to respond rather than react. Through these “mistakes”, we build resilience.

Some parents notice when their children are actually becoming the wolves, and don’t seem to mind. In fact, I think it makes some people feel that their children are more successful, and that they are raising leaders. But leadership does not have to be brutal. Adolescents have to literally dig their way through middle and high school and find their place in the world. Why make it even harder?

Why do some of the adolescents take pleasure in ensuring that they show their “power” by preying on those who are less resilient?

The theme of healing and mindfulness is important, and I truly feel that we have to be careful not to forget that while we are taking care of ourselves, we have to pay attention to what is going on around us too. There’s that multitasking thing that is really hard for me. But I try.

You see, for a short time, I allowed my positivity to hide while dealing with my flock being preyed upon. I found it hard to find the positivity in the situation, but I dug deep and plowed through. That is truly when I began to see how my positive nature needed to be spread around. My posts began to focus on reminding parents to pay attention to changes in their children's behavior. It took a lot of digging and reflecting to turn it around, but I learned so much, and have become more resilient in the process. My flock has learned to become as resilient as well, and watching that process has been incredible. That will ebb and flow as well.

In the meantime, I will continue to send the message of positivity and kindness. Parents, please, please pay attention to the changes in your children. Pay attention to their friendships and how they change. Follow your gut. Many teens will see who is being excluded or mistreated. Some will want to do something but are afraid to speak up for fear of becoming prey themselves. Others will join in because, again, they don’t want to become the prey. Then there are some who are willing to stand up because they simply know that bullying is wrong. Period. Exclusion can be painful for youngsters who are not yet resilient or confident.

Check in with your children to see not just who their new friends are, but who they are no longer friends with. Ask questions that are hard; questions that your kids will get mad at you for asking. You are the parents - they can be mad at you, it’s really ok. Create safe boundaries while still giving them space to grow but pay attention to when those boundaries are crossed.

The wolves, may always be out there. We have plenty of adults who act as wolves in this world. Let’s teach our children HOW to stand up to the wolves and HOW to build resilience so that they never allow themselves to be hurt by those wolves. Let’s help this generation work hard to notice the signs. Let’s help this generation find the courage to put kindness before anything. Let’s help this generation not tolerate, but include others. We have to make the change. I am not saying that everyone will be “friends” but everyone should be kind - I will never bend on that. There is no excuse for being unkind to someone. The reward for kindness, from great big acts of kindness to even the little things is such an amazing feeling.

Thanks for listening! Xoxo